Tales from the Stark-Q-Banner Lab
by Myshi corp
Summary: A collection of oneshots that is an excuse to put our favorite genii in a room together, with entertaining and explosive results. Rated T for Tony Stark's mouth.
1. Chapter 1

M had summoned Q to his office… again.

" _I don't think MI5 caught my intrusion into their systems last week, and this can't be about Bond's latest mishap. I've set up a search program to tell me if anything in M's email mentions Quartermaster and psych eval in the same message, so that can't be it either!"_

Q was desperately looking for an answer. After all, he needed a really good excuse for whatever it was M found.

Q stood at the door and knocked once, then entered a few seconds later. It felt a little like that time he was sent to the headmaster's office after blowing up the chemistry lab.

"Q, sit down. We have to discuss something." M was friendly, but cut straight to the business. "I got the most peculiar invitation from Tony Stark. Do you know him?"

Q, relieved that he wasn't in trouble, responded truthfully.

"I know of him, and I can recognize his work easily enough. He's the American superhero and former weapons developer. What did he want?"

M was puzzled.

"He said, and I quote, 'Dear M, your tech has grown dramatically better in the past few months, almost onto my level. Whoever's behind this is invited to Stark tower R&D for a week to play with some of the awesomest people in the world, namely myself.'"

Q laughed at the strangeness of the message. That seemed to be pretty typical behavior, if what he knew of the billionaire was true.

"And you wanted to share this with me...why?" Q was a bit perplexed by his boss's motivations. Why share this with him, when he could just as easily ignore it?

"I want you to go." M said, simply.

"What?" Q responded. "Why?"

M leaned back. "Think about it. You go, spend a week in one of the best R&Ds on the planet, experimenting with exotic materials while using a billionaire's credit card, talk with other brilliant people, and bring MI6 back whatever the group invents. It'll be like your normal design process on steroids, and you'll have access to all of Stark's designs too."

Q doubted M's pure morals- this was the head of MI6 speaking, after all.

"You want me to steal Stark's designs? That's industrial espionage, and I refuse to use anyone's intellectual property without their permission!" Q was many things, but he was not a hypocrite. He hated when hackers tried to copy unique bits of his code, and intellectual property in the form of inventions were sacred. Q also knew that people trying to steal from Stark were never successful, and usually met financial ruin, social ruin, or both.

M was steadfast.

"Psych says that you're overdue for an appointment. If you take Stark up on this offer, it'll create an unfortunate schedule conflict. Just to put the out there. Your department's budget is up for yearly review as well. Think about it."

Damn, the carrot and the stick. He really wanted to go to candyland, though. Maybe he could go and confront Stark with his problem in person.

"I'll go, I suppose. When do I leave?"

* * *

"Bruceeeeeey" Tony Stark whined. "Why hasn't MI6 responded to my email yet? I just want a new playmate!"

Bruce Banner sighed at the childish actions of his friend.

"What's wrong with me, Tony? Am I not enough anymore?" Bruce figured if Tony was going to be dramatic, he might as well too.

"No, no, it's just-" Tony sighed, suddenly serious.

"Look, this person, whoever they are, their inventions are" He paused. "Awesome, for lack of a better word. And I want to meet them and pick their brain clean, because if there's that much imagination in just the simple items an agent takes on a mission, imagine what they could do with a bigger goal, Bruce. We could help so many people."

Bruce didn't know what to say to that, so he smirked and shot Tony a sideways glance.

"You just want an excuse to blow things up with a fellow nerd, don't you."

Tony cocked his head.

"Well, that is a plus."

* * *

Dear Mr. Stark,

Our Quartermaster will be visiting you from the 14th to the 21st. I trust you will provide a secured lodging?

Sincerely,

M

Dear M,

What does M stand for? Mysterious, manipulative, maverick, meddling, meticulous, mettlesome, miffed, mirthful, momentous, muddy, megalithic?

I'm dying to know.

Tony

PS. Your Quartermaster will stay in my tower, which is secured by a sentient AI. If that's not good enough for you, nothing is.


	2. Chapter 2

Q woke up when the plane had landed, the effects of the rather strong anti-anxiety medication he had taken for his flight anxiety wearing off. It still made his head foggy, but he tried to shake it off and focus on navigating the terminal. He hated commercial airlines.

Once outside, he rode on the subway towards Stark tower. He and the security team had decided that the best choice for keeping him secure was keeping him anonymous, and that was why he hadn't had the option of a private driver. Instead, he was forced to ride in an old subway car that smelled like body odor and urine. The homeless man lying on the seats across from him eyed up his suitcase.

Getting off at the stop nearest to Stark Tower, Q walked through the narrow streets surrounded by high rises. Tourists rode by in gaudy buses, content to snap pictures of the landmarks, and Q turned his head away to avoid being captured on camera. He had a program that corrupted or blurred any pictures that showed him, but he could never be too careful.

Standing next to the doors of the lobby, Q craned his neck to admire the huge building. It was sleek architecture, and especially impressive considering that it was completely powered by clean energy. Q admired the guts it took to build an entire tower supported by an experimental technology.

The lobby of Stark Tower was huge. The entire feel was "futuristic but attainable", with whites and greys used in abundance. On his right was an unsecured area for tourists, and then a security desk up ahead. Glancing around, Q noticed sensors and cameras unobtrusively built into the walls. It appeared as if anyone walking past a certain point was scanned and identified, and they weren't required to sign in or scan anything.

He was having some serious doubts about stealing Stark's physical inventions. However, he might be able to borrow and rework a few ideas that would satisfy M. This entrance system, for example. Simple but magnificent, thought Q. If this system was implemented in MI6's entrances, he could revolutionize the way building security worked!

Pulling out his phone, he scanned for wifi, and grinned, finding one called, very simply, JARVIS.

That must be Stark's sentient AI!

Smirking again (this would be fun!), Q shoved aside his conflicting feelings and constructed a rudimentary hack- not trying to get anywhere, just asking for attention. He then sent a message, and he was sure the AI would find it.

"I'm ready for playtime!

Q"

Then, he took a chance and walked through the secured area, into an elevator marked "Private."

* * *

The elevator took him up, past the office spaces that made up the first chunk of the tower. Q wondered why Stark had decided to put R&D on a floor that was higher up. Wouldn't it make more sense on a basement floor, where explosive results wouldn't bring down the tower? At least the elevator was speedy, which opened up new questions to it's design.

As the floors ticked up, Q became more and more curious. Finally he decided to test something, that, if he was wrong, would merely make him feel stupid for a few minutes. That was a small price to pay, so he opened his mouth and crisply said "JARVIS?"

"Yes, Mr. Quartermaster?" responded a calm voice with a British accent.

Q was slightly surprised by the promptness of the response (and the accent- of course Stark had a British butler, albeit an AI one).

"Call me Q, please. Where are we currently headed?" The elevator kept going up.

"We are headed to the main floor of Stark Tower. Mr Stark wanted to take you straight to the lab, but Ms. Potts insisted that we properly meet you first. She also insisted that we feed you before sending you, Sir, and Dr. Banner, go on a week-long inventing spree." JARVIS' voice held just the slightest trace of humor, and Q was struck by how alive the AI was. There was nothing artificial about JARVIS: he was just intelligent.

One of the people JARVIS had mentioned was unfamiliar to Q. "JARVIS, who's Dr. Banner?"

"Dr. Banner is a world-renowned physicist famous for his work in anti-electron collisions and Gamma radiation. As of late, his alter ego, the Hulk, has joined the group of heroes dubbed the Avengers. He has become Sir's lab partner recently."

"JARVIS, you are a truly impressive entity." Q couldn't help himself. He knew JARVIS might assume he was flirting, but he had to say something, because _damn_ , Stark's AI was sexy.

"Why, thank you, Mr. Q. We have arrived on the main floor of Stark Tower."

The doors drew open, and Q took in the view from the expansive windows. The Empire State building loomed on off one side of the tower, while smaller high-rises surrounded it in all directions. It looked like a sea of grey, with splashes of color in the form of clouds and the occasional rooftop garden.

The interior mirrored the sleek design of the lobby, except the focal point of the design was a brass chandelier. Q thought it was… unique, to say the least. Actually, the chandelier reminded him of how people described Tony Stark: loud, complex, and extremely showy.

As Q glanced around, his eyes landed on the people sitting on one of the couches. The man whom Q knew to be Tony Stark was draped over one side of the couch in a classic portrayal of extravagant narcissism. He was wearing a worn black t-shirt and jeans, and the light blue of his arc reactor shone a circle of light in the middle of his chest. The woman sitting next to him, who could only be Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries, had her legs crossed and was filling out paperwork on a Starkpad. She reminded Q of Moneypenny, with the same air of confidence (and a similar fashion sense). Across the couch from them sat a man hunched over a book and a cup of tea, who Q knew must be Doctor Banner.

They all rose as he entered the room.

Q walked up to Tony Stark first, and stuck out his hand. "Hello. My name is Q, and I'm MI6's Quartermaster. How do you do?"

Tony cocked his head while shaking Q's hand. "Quartermaster? Like a military officer, here's food and clothing kind of quartermaster?"

Q grinned, and tucked his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans.

"More like the 'here's things that go boom' sort of quartermaster, but we do weaponized clothing too. I'm the head officer of Q branch, and we equip agents and monitor them during their missions."

Bruce joined the conversation.

"That sounds fascinating. What are your specialties? Engineering? Computer Science? Biotech?"

"Computer science, engineering, and weapons, mostly, although I'm working more and more in the field of medicine. I'm also the primary handler in Q-Branch, so I plan and run all of the senior agent's ops- sometimes that requires me to branch out." Q grinned at the statement, and Bruce was struck by how similar he was to Tony.

By this time Pepper had also stood, and walked up and shook his hand. "Pepper Potts, nice to meet you."

"Q, and likewise," came the reply.

"Mr. Q, can I offer you anything to drink before they drag you to the lab? We have tea, coffee, or water if you'd prefer."

Q, who had only ever been to America a few times, had actually packed a few of his favorite varieties of tea in case Stark didn't have any in his possession, but he wasn't about to tell Pepper that. As curious as he was to find out what the Stark Tower tea cabinet looked like, he was also eager to see the labs, so he politely declined and turned to Tony and Bruce.

"Would you like to lead the way to the labs?"


End file.
